The Writers Roast is back with it’s next victim, the talented and brave AL Mabry. She submitted an excerpt from her work in progress, Soul Purge: Book One of the Chthonian Guardian Trilogy, for a brutal critique.
Do you smell something burning?
First, let’s meet Amanda…
A.L. Mabry is an author currently working on her first fantasy trilogy while dabbling in short stories, poetry and prompt writing. She runs a blog, a Wattpad page and a Hubspace.
She dedicates her time to many different interests close to her heart, including mental health awareness, domestic abuse and child abuse awareness, and anti bullying campaigns.
She has an obsessive love of vampires, kilts and blue butterflies.
When she is not writing, advocating or creating handmade items for her Etsy shop. she can be found exploring creeks, mountains and rivers, playing board games, videos games and working on various projects with her loving husband, Shawn and their beautiful blended family of 5 teenagers.
Roaster’s Note
In this case I, Christa Wojo, was the roaster. Let me first say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading Amanda’s work. I don’t often get to read the fantasy genre, so it was fun to have a change of material. I love the rustic ambience of this scene, and A.L. Mabry writes very descriptively without being too flowery. The concept of this story is very unique and I can’t wait to see it in complete form.
This was a difficult critique because it is not the first chapter of the book and not an excerpt that can stand alone. From what I gathered, the hero, Rashu, is passing through after enemies have raided the countryside. As he rests at an abandoned cottage, he goes through his mementos and recalls the events that led him to his present situation.
What did A.L. Mabry learn from her experience?
Here are her responses to the comments she found most valuable.
“I realize I have made some assumptions but not provided enough detail to the reader to support them.”
“I may need to reel in my details a little bit or maybe explain the lighting when the portrait was first drawn? Also, I can see I need to clarify that she is human.”
“This points out an issue that has been bugging me. Details are presented out of order. A lot of this has to do with the style I was using (flashbacks and memories) and because of this I am going to tear it apart and rewrite it in a more streamlined manner.”
“I need to review several passages that have multiple males in them and I need to clarify who is being spoken to/about.”
In summary, AL Mabry said…
“While I realize I dumped you into a story that is already in progress, I found this to be most helpful. You were able to point out several habits that I know occur throughout this story. I have come to realize that I need to tear this apart and rewrite it a little differently. I want to remove all (or most) of the memories and flashbacks and simply put the story in sequence order. I know I need to make sure my details are in order and make sense. I also need to know I have to make it clear what characters are being active or being referred to.”
Thanks to AL Mabry for participating in the Writers Roast. Please leave any comments for her below.
You can read more excerpts from her series when you visit her visit her website at ALMabry.com.
It’s excited to see the process from the outside – I’m so glad it’s continuing!
Wow, a virtual writers’ group — cool!
Nice job with the critique, Christa.